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  • Writer's picturemolly ofgeography

how to: love your spiders

they're all named henrietta, even the boy spiders.


so ur FIBS is a pretty self-confident person. i don’t think you have to spend a lot of time on my blog to realize pretty quickly that i like myself and am comfortable being myself. i am, after all, the only person that i will ever be able to be. i’m not perfect or anything but for the most part i feel like i’ve made peace with my flaws. like, there are spiders in here but they’re my spiders, u know?

  • they’re all named henrietta, even the boy spiders.

  • why?

  • because they’re my spiders, that’s why. i get to name them whatever i want, and i want them all to be named henrietta.

  • plus, it’s hard to hate a spider once you’ve given it a name and anthropomorphized it. now it’s just a pet that you have to take care of.

  • take care of your spiders, everybody.

  • have you taken your meds and/or brushed your teeth and/or eaten breakfast today? if you haven’t, go do it, and while you’re doing it look in the mirror and be like, “i love you, my lil henriettas, even though you’re weird and gross.”

  • .................this metaphor got weird.

but like. there is one thing. that gets me every time. her name is joanna.*

  • her name is not really joanna. it’s ruby.**

  • **it’s not really ruby. it’s annabelle.***

  • ***it’s not really annabelle. it’s--

here’s the thing about joanna: joanna is great. she’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s funny. she has a DOG. she’s got a super cool job that isn’t like, a normal super cool job but like a ~special super cool job that just makes you assume she can talk intelligently about everything and also bathes in money. she’s her own boss. she cares about the ills that plague this world.

she’s in a band, for the love of christ. a band!!!!!!!!

here’s the other thing about joanna: i love her. i would kill a man for her. i will not hear a bad word spoken about joanna, because joanna is the nicest, sweetest person you will ever meet. i’m pretty sure she escorts flies out of her kitchen rather than swatting them.

herein lies the root of the problem. if she were at least a jerk, i could feel a little better about things, because she’s good at everything BUT SHE’S A TERRIBLE PERSON!! SO WHO CARES!!

  • girl couldn’t even do me the favor of being an asshole.

  • nothing in this whole world makes me feel more underwhelming or inadequate than accidentally hearing stories about joanna just living her regular life.

  • like, joanna. why are you so good at everything that you do???? why does everything you touch turn to gold???

we all have this person. don’t lie, you have one. it’s that person that is good at all the things you are good at, but slightly better than you at them. it’s such a complicated problem!! i do not want joanna to fail. nor do i necessarily want myself to be different than i am.

  • EXCEPTION: i want a dog.

society often wants to pit us against our joannas. don’t let society do that to you! don’t punish joanna for being joanna. i know it is hard, sometimes, to love joanna, when every moment that you’re with joanna you’re like “but how come i am NOT joanna?”

of course the answer is that you are not joanna because you are you. if the world were full of only joannas, the world would be incredibly boring. we’d all just sit around gazing at each other, saying how beautiful and wonderful we all are.

who would go to our concerts?? we’re all in the band.

WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS POST: love your henriettas. accept that there will be people who are better at some stuff than you. go see a concert and have a good time.


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