first class is honestly the best argument for entering into an income-based marriage
- Aug 31, 2017
- 7 min
at least one family has a pretty weird vacation video fo me in the bahamas
- Jul 22, 2017
- 8 min
There's Significantly More Milk In This Story About Teenage Drinking Than You're Expecting
- Jul 1, 2017
- 7 min
THEIR TEETH, BUDDY!!!; Or, I Respect Sharks' Right To Live But They Should Stay TF Away From Me
- Jun 3, 2017
- 9 min
Roses Are Red, Carnations Are Pink, This Was A Mistake, Oh God, This Was A Terrible Mistake
- Mar 7, 2017
- 7 min
You Think They’re Normal But Your Parents Could Be Hiring Hitmen Under Your VERY NOSE
- Feb 12, 2017
- 6 min
WASPs Don’t Talk About Their Problems
- Nov 16, 2016
- 4 min
an open letter to my next-door neighbor: i will never forgive and i will never forget
- Jun 26, 2016
- 5 min
SWITZERLAND!!!!!
- May 28, 2016
- 3 min
The Most Beautiful Man In The World, Who Lives In My Building & Only Sees Me When I Look Disgusting
- Jan 26, 2016
- 4 min
the time i walked in on a robbery and tried to buy some wine
- Nov 16, 2015
- 3 min
the time i was a DONUT GOD
- Oct 16, 2015
- 5 min
the time my highschool boyf and i got stuck on a roof
- Aug 2, 2015
- 4 min
the time i conquered an oven and almost killed myself with coffee
- May 19, 2015
- 5 min
the time i got stuck on a ski lift and almost ruined a family vacation
- May 14, 2015
- 4 min
the time i got robbed at knifepoint (but by a gentleman)
- Feb 13, 2015
- 5 min
the worst email i’ve ever sent
- Feb 10, 2015
- 4 min
the time that PAUL MCCARTNEY gave me a swimming lesson
- Jan 9, 2015
- 4 min
the time my mom adopted a wild boar and it all went very badly, as anticipated
- Dec 15, 2014
- 5 min
the time my cousin barea accidentally lit her head on fire and now i think she’s hiding something