#growingup

Oct 16, 2015
5 min

the time my highschool boyf and i got stuck on a roof

contrary to what i feel like might be popular belief, i didn’t get up to too many hijinks in high school. i mean, i was in our version of detention a lot but that was for things like “skipping breakfast” and “being late always” and “writing an inflammatory speech about how unfair it was that we had to eat breakfast in the dining hall when we could be using that time to SLEEP” and “dyeing my hair with bright streaks against the express written rules of the student handbook”. o

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molly ofgeography

Sep 15, 2015
7 min

Return to Sender

Elvis gets hundreds of Valentines every year. Elvis was a blond. He died his hair. That was the first hard lesson about love that Leni ever learned. When she was young, three and four and five, her mother used to swing her around in the living room, voice dropped low and chin against her collarbone as she sang along with the stereo. Her favorite was “Pocketful of Rainbows,” and when she wasn’t focused on holding Leni in place while they whirled, she had a beautiful voice, hus

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molly ofgeography

Jul 23, 2015
3 min

how to: love your spiders

they're all named henrietta, even the boy spiders. so ur FIBS is a pretty self-confident person. i don’t think you have to spend a lot of time on my blog to realize pretty quickly that i like myself and am comfortable being myself. i am, after all, the only person that i will ever be able to be. i’m not perfect or anything but for the most part i feel like i’ve made peace with my flaws. like, there are spiders in here but they’re my spiders, u know? they’re all named henriett

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molly ofgeography

May 19, 2015
5 min

the time i got stuck on a ski lift and almost ruined a family vacation

in hindsight, honestly, i'm MORE surprised it didn't happen sooner. back when i lived with my dad, until i was 10 or so, we used to go skiing every (almost every??? many???? idk, i’m bad at time intervals) winter vacation. my dad’s family unit (brother-sister-stepmom-dad) was very athletic. my brother and sister were always doing Sport Things. i was not always doing Sport Things. i couldn’t catch a Sport Ball if you put superglue on my hands. Exasperated Coaches &; Me, A

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molly ofgeography

May 16, 2015
2 min

how to: pack for a family reunion

good news: your family has to love you no matter what. 1. DEFINITELY wait until the very last minute to do everything, including putting your new insurance card in you car which is parked basically in INDIANA, taking out your trash and all your recycling, cleaning your apartment, mending a skirt, scrubbing at dishes that still have food on them because, inexplicably, you didn’t rinse them before putting them in the dishwasher, what were you thinking???? c’mon, man. this is ro

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molly ofgeography

Feb 13, 2015
3 min

YOU CAN’T FIT 12 COPS IN A VW BUG, JAMES B!!!

STOP TELLING ME THAT YOU WENT 125 MILES PER HOUR ON YOUR BIKE!!!!!!!! sorry everybody sorry sorry, but i'm having this rAGE SPIRAL right now because FACEBOOK doesn't let us just LOSE TOUCH WITH PEOPLE we weren't meant to stay close with so today i was REMINDED OF SOMETHING THAT I'M STILL FURIOUS ABOUT AND WILL ALWAYS BE FURIOUS ABOUT, which is this kid in my high school named JAMES B who i took driver's ed with who used to do this THING where he would ONE UP the fucking INSTR

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the time my cousin barea accidentally lit her head on fire and now i think she’s hiding something

molly ofgeography

Dec 15, 2014
5 min

the time my cousin barea accidentally lit her head on fire and now i think she’s hiding something

she was stone cold. the woman has ice in her veins. around christmastime a few years ago—let’s say 5 years? maybe 6? i don’t know, some time between 2005 and 2010. this morning i referred to something that happened when i was four as “the other day,” so don’t ask me these things—i was spending christmas with my father and his side of the family. MY FATHER’S FAMILY, A 2005ish to 2010ish RETROSPECTIVE: my dad, a 6’4 Mister Dad, who just looks like he should be wearing a tweed s

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molly ofgeography

Nov 14, 2014
5 min

the time i accidentally tripped on ambien and tried to fight my own reflection

learn your lessons well: you are not more powerful than hallucinogens. so ambien can be a really good drug for people with bad insomnia. but when my doctor prescribed it to me, she looked me dead in the eyeballs and said, “take this when you are ready to sleep. keep it on your bedside table. when you are in bed, lights off, ready to go, take one of these pills. don’t take one of these pills at any other time.” i was like, “yo, doc, recreational drug use is just not really on

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molly ofgeography

Oct 31, 2014
4 min

the time i brought shame on my high school in front of the AP review board

stay in school, kids. hmmmmm. so while i was at boarding school i took ap physics, which was a bad decision for all parties involved because a) as a pigeon-toed loser with a center of gravity her body doesn’t know what to do with, physics has never done anything but betray me, and b) i’m not very good at math. the good thing about AP classes is that you only have to take the actual school exam once, at midterms. the bad thing about AP classes is that you have to take the AP e

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the time my mother left me to die in a fire so that she could rescue five fish, all named jerry

molly ofgeography

Oct 2, 2014
3 min

the time my mother left me to die in a fire so that she could rescue five fish, all named jerry

i know my mother loves me. but. so obviously the problem with listening to country music too much is that it is a constant reminder of my wayward youth growing up on a farm in virginia, and all the stupid shit i used to get up to while my poor mother ran after me waving her hands in the air shouting things like, "why are there eggs on the garage door????" and, "HOW did you end up in LOUISA COUNTY??? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE IN SCHOOL," and, "YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE PLAGUE IF YOU

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molly ofgeography

Sep 16, 2014
5 min

the time my friend ginna fell out of the ceiling

ginna and i remember this story differently, but this is my blog, so i get to tell it how i want. my school had this thing called “senior skip day,” except that senior skip day didn’t exist and every year the administration sent out emails in the spring that were like DON’T FUCKIN SKIP CLASS OR YOU WILL RECEIVE RESTRICTION (restriction was like, my boarding school’s equivalent of detention where instead of staying after school you had to go to bed early and help stuff envelop

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molly ofgeography

Aug 8, 2014
3 min

the time a slight misunderstanding almost sent me to porn prison

the problem with pay-per-view is that you have to pay per view. so here’s a fun story about the first wives club. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!! here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2: disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing

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