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how to become a runner

  1. try some other forms of exercise. honestly, if you find one that you like, just stick with it. don't let runners peer pressure you just because runners are the vegans of exercise.


how to get through PMS

haha remember that shania twain song? didn’t we all kind of love that song when we were wee little nuggets with no idea of what was awaiting us? oh, shania. YOU FUCKIN LIAR. WALKIN AROUND LIKE BEING A GROWN FEMALE-BODIED PERSON WAS GOING TO BE NOTHING BUT OVERLARGE MEN’S SHIRTS AND SEXY GO GO DANCING.


here’s some fun things shania left out

how to pack for a family reunion

1. DEFINITELY wait until the very last minute to do everything, including putting your new insurance card in your car which is parked basically in INDIANA, taking out your trash and all your recycling, cleaning your apartment, mending a skirt, scrubbing at dishes that still have food on them because, inexplicably, you didn’t rinse them before putting them in the dishwasher, what were you thinking???? c’mon, man. this is rookie stuff.

how to choose lipstick

so i get a lot of asks about lipstick, because i wear it a lot and talk about it a lot and tend to speak in declarative sentences. but since i usually end up saying basically the same thing, i figured i’d just put it all in one place. 


first of all let me say: i love lipstick. if i had been consulted at the beginning of the world, my top contribution would have been, “make sure society is real chill about everyone wearing lipstick who wants to, regardless of gender. make that a priority. right after that we can address why you felt the need to create cockroaches.”

how to love your spiders

here’s the thing about joanna: joanna is great. she’s beautiful, she’s smart, she’s funny. she has a DOG. she’s got a super cool job that isn’t like, a normal super cool job but like a ~special super cool job that just makes you assume she can talk intelligently about everything and also bathes in money. she’s her own boss. she cares about the ills that plague this world. 


she’s in a band, for the love of christ. a band!!!!!!!!

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