the chilliad: a character cheat sheet
Updated: Jul 17, 2019
it can be hard to keep all these rowdy youths straight. allow me to help.
alpha sigma phi house
agford "aggy" atreus
vice president
business major
wants to launch deez nuts, a startup which has nut milk delivered fresh to your house weekly
late at night, he sometimes wonders whether flat earthers have a point
iliad corollary: agamemnon, leader of the expedition, brother of menelaos
manford "manny" atreus
president
kinesiology major
wants to be a personal trainer and health coach
thinks ghost farts contribute to global warming
iliad corollary: menelaos, king of athens, husband of helen
achilles "ac" myrmidon
social chair
art history major
wants to be a history teacher and high school sports coach
owns so many muscle tees he was once approached by the popular a&e show, hoarders
iliad corollary: achilles, chief warrior, leader of mymidons
pedro klaus "pk" liebling
community service chair
art major (specializing in photography)
wants to be a photojournalist
speaks fluent german and spanish
only rushed because he had a crush on ac freshman year but then immediately got way more into greek life than anyone else in his pledge class -- does not know how to like or do things mildly.
iliad corollary: patroklos, "companion" and "close" "friend" of achilles
phoenix "birdie" cho
secretary
drama major
wants to be the first asian-american james bond
can bench press more than manny, which is a point of contention between them
iliad corollary: phoinix, friend and mentor of achilles
ajax "jax" tlamunus
rush chair & pledge educator
gender studies major
wants to be a fireman or emt
training to be on american ninja warrior
iliad corollary: ajax, chief warrior after achilles
dio "dio" mendez
academics chair
economics major
plans for post-graduation include [loud construction noises]
secretly a socialist
iliad corollary: diomedes, great greek warrior
odysseus "doc" nostos
treasurer
agribusiness technology major
wants to own & run a sustainable farm
built penelope’s bed and also her beer pong table which folds up with a trick latch for easy moving
ilia corollary: odysseus, warrior and advisor, star of iliad spinoff, the odyssey
nestor "nessie" pylos
house manager & risk manager
hospitality major
wants to open a vegan restaurant
learned how to make pastries from his grandmother, a poet
iliad corollary: nestor, old warrior and chief advisor
posey "poser" dunn
philanthropy chair
marine biology major
wants to be a biologist researcher
believes in mermaids
iliad corollary: poseidon, god of the sea
macallister "mack" clay
pledge
freshman, undeclared
raised by a single mother after his dad left when he was a baby :(
afraid of milk
iliad corollary: telemachus, son of odysseus and penelope
dosifei "deuce" bowman
pledge
freshman, undeclared
has not hit his growth spurt & is beginning to think he never will
once lifted a car to save his pet turtle but has never again accessed that kind of adrenaline
iliad corollary: teucer, half-brother of ajax
homer bard
pledge
freshman, undeclared
he won a self-driving car in a raffle at the mall when he was 15
sincerely thinks that mullets look cool
iliad corollary: author of the iliad and odyssey
calvin "cal" haas
pledge
freshman, undeclared
does tarot every morning and reads everybody's horoscope but keeping it a secret from the rest of the boys in the house
iliad corollary: calchas, a soothsayer
jackson “baby jax” “BJ” lochlan
pledge
freshman, undeclared
wants nothing in this life except to literally be ajax
iliad corollary: ajax the lesser, a greek warrior
alpha delta chi house
hera zoos
house manager
political science major
wants to be a senator
cites gordon ramsay as her greatest inspiration
iliad corollary: hera, wife of zeus
athena metis
rush chair & pledge educator
business major
wants to be a finance bro
started an underground fight club with ares called DUKES UP
iliad corollary: athena, god of war
nessa clytem
president
history major but plans to go to law school
has seriously considered working for the CIA after scoring "unusually high" on their aptitude test
iliad corollary: clytemnestra, wife of agamemnon
gia aderastan
vice president
biology major but plans to go to med school
she was born with eleven toes
iliad corollary: princess aegialia, wife of diomedes (*not actually mentioned in the iliad)
cleo muse
treasurer & risk manager
english major
wants to be a novelist
has participated in the moth so many times they had to put her on semi-permanent hiatus
iliad corollary: clio, muse of history and guitar (*not really part of the iliad in a narrative sense)
thalia muse
social chair
theater major
wants to be a stand-up comedian
one of her many tattoos was done by harry styles after she ran into him at a weird party in london where there was a free tattoo gun
iliad corollary: thalia, muse of comedy
calliope muse
secretary
sophomore
doesn't know what she wants to do when she graduates but is thinking maybe a speech therapist
is convinced that she is going to die of appendicitis
iliad corollary: calliope, muse of heroic poetry, guide of homer
helen spartowski
philanthropy chair
media & communications major
wants to be an influencer & beauty blogger
went to fyre fest
iliad corollary: helen, wife of menelaos
sappho klasma
communityservice chair
comparative literature major
applying to bfa programs and the iowa writers' workshop
maintains a successful blog
hates david foster wallace's infinite jest so much she once set it on fire as a "performance art project"
iliad corollary: the poet sappho (not, in fact, in the iliad)
dité pomme
academic chair
chemistry major
wants to be a perfumist
thinks floral scents are overdone -- she wants to smell like french fries
iliad corollary: aphrodite, goddess of beauty
ariadne webb
pledge
freshman, undeclared
a big comics nerd who almost always cosplays as black widow
iliad corollary: ariadne, mentioned; does not play a role in actual events
daphne medill
pledge
freshman, undeclared
secretly a very successful hand model and can quote the entirety of reservoir dogs
iliad corollary: diomede, a slave achilles sleeps with after refusing the messenger from odysseus and ajax
dana yoman
pledge
freshman, undeclared
lactose intolerant but refuses to live like it
iliad corollary: a different diomede, wife of palas and mother of a trojan warrior
leia doulos
pledge
freshman, undeclared
best friends with mack, who she met at spy camp when they were 12
iliad corollary: eurycleia, slave woman who raised odysseus and telemachus in the odyssey
nastasya masuma
pledge
freshman, undeclared
came from a very sheltered, gently religious background.
iliad corollary: naussica, a maiden odysseus meets in the odyssey (not mentioned in the iliad)
trojan house
priam luwian
president
business major; plans to take over his family's charitable foundation when he graduates
in his heart of hearts he wants to be an old-fashioned private eye
iliad corollary: priam, king of troy
hector holdfast
vice president
sports medicine major
wants to be an olympic swimmer
once forgot paris in the bathroom of a mcdonald's and stranded him in north dakota
iliad corollary: hektor, might warrior
gilbert "gilly" glau
community service chair
junior and environmental science major
teaches sex education as part of the university's local outreach program
has a big embarrassing crush on nastasya
iliad corollary: glaucus, a powerful trojan warrior
pollard "polly" damas
academic chair & risk manager
accounting major
plans to be in financial management, ideally for a university
speaks in such a monotone that it's possible he invented asmr
iliad corollary: polydamas, a trojan commander
nas pomme
philanthropy chair
a junior, undeclared; younger brother of dité
has been miles morales for halloween every year since he was seven
iliad corollary: aeneas, son of aphrodite
darius archer
secretary
biology major
wants to be a pediatrician
has been in a wheelchair since he was 4
iliad corollary: pandaros, a trojan archer.
antoni pantera
house manager
classics major
wants to be a translator and scholar
literally only joined the trojans because they don't have membership dues and it means he gets free housing
iliad corollary: antenor, a trojan nobleman and advisor to king priam
ares enyo
rush chair & pledge educator
in officer training; wants to be a navy seal
has been known to put on a wig and stand in for absent or injured roller derby girls
iliad corollary: ares, god of war and lover of aphrodite
apollo "olly" hunter
social chair
junior; music production major
wants to be a producer but also is in the process of developing an app to bring music therapy to low-income kids
his truest idol is carly simon -- he met her once, panicked, and said, "i'm sorry that there was so many boys in trees," to which she replied calmly, "thank you."
iliad corollary: apollo, son of zeus and twin brother of the goddess artemis, apollo is god of the sun and the arts, particularly music.
dylan neia
treasurer
journalism major
wants to write for the players tribune
frequently dresses as the mascot for university sporting events. no one has asked him to do this. he bought his own costume.
iliad corollary: dolon, a trojan spy.
eugene tallrik
pledge
freshman; undeclared
turned 18 and got real hot real sudden, to the surprise of himself and everyone around him
has never successfully opened a capri sun pouch
iliad corollary: euphorbos, trojan warrior
herman "freddie" mercury
pledge
freshman; undeclared
was recruited for the track team
very relieved to be called freddie at college since he was called "quickie" in high school and NOT for track-related reasons
iliad corollary: hermes, messenger to the gods
alexander "paris" holdfast
pledge
sophomore; undeclared
he wants to be brendan urie so bad he can taste it
began demanding people call him paris after he went to a fortune teller who told him he was "a european at heart."
iliad corollary: paris, also called alexandros
solomon "solly" lycian
pledge
freshman; undeclared
recruited for the swim team
knows mermaids aren't real but is too scared of posey to say anything
iliad corollary: sarpedon, son of zeus, river god
unaffiliated students
cuba reyes
music major
sings in an indie folk band
raised by her father and never met her mother
can hold her breath for 5 minutes but cannot ride a bike
iliad corollary: hecuba, queen of troy, wife of priam, and mother of hector and paris
andie march
animal biology major
competes semi-seriously a boxer and very seriously as a fencer
wants to own a horse ranch and breed racehorses.
iliad corollary: andromache, wife of hector who begs him to withdraw from the war and save himself (she is ignored) (obviously)
heffner stuss
grad student getting a bfa in sculpture
working with marble & iron primarily
was kicked out of greek life while in undergrad for never paying his dues and getting in a fight with the then-president
has a severe limp after an accident as a child.
iliad corollary: hephaestus, god of fire & metalworking, husband of aphrodite
penelope webster
theoretical mathematics major
thinks greek life is kind of stupid
has an etsy store for woven rugs
acknowledged beer pong queen
iliad corollary: penelope, wife of odysseus
delphine pythia
barista at local coffee shop, the oracle
physics major
plays the harp
iliad corollary: oracle at delphi
artemis "emi" hunter
junior
business major
wants to take over her family's meat business
iliad corollary: artemis, goddess of the hunt, the moon, and chastity
saoirse "sorsh" cailleach
chemistry major
wants to open a naturopathic healing shop
wiccan
makes all her own skin care and sells it at way marked up prices
iliad corollary: circe, a goddess of magic
breanna "bree" seiss
education major
wants to teach special education
carries star stickers with her wherever she goes, and puts them on all of the graffiti tags she makes
which is a lot of graffiti tags
iliad corollary: briseis, a war prize of achilles
chrystina “chrys” aston
Student in the college of nursing
wants to become a nurse practitioner
cheats at almost every game she has ever played
iliad corollary: chryseis/astynome, daughter of a priest of apollo in a trojan-allied town whom agamemnon takes as a war prize
iris mercury
freshman; undeclared
also recruited for the track team alongside twin brother herman
is convinced she is allergic to nuts. she is not.
iliad corollary: iris, messenger goddess
thea myrmidon
sophomore
undeclared; cousin of AC
on the sailing team and only going to college because her mother won't let her live at home for free
sister of zeke myrmidon, ex-boyfriend & new stepbrother of hera
iliad corollary: thetis, mother of achilles
callie zhou
philosophy major
best friends and roommates with saoirse
wants to stay in academia forever
iliad corollary: calypso, the beautiful nymph who falls in love with odysseus in the odyssey.
melanie tho
sophomore
undeclared
runs somewhat popular mean twitter @thatmeltho
iliad corollary: melantho, slave at odysseus’s palace
teresa "teri" haddeson
quantum physics graduate student
long-time RA on campus
truly does not believe in the concept of time, like, on a quantum level
iliad corollary: tirseas, a prophet who guides odysseus out of hades
aretha fader
sociology & anthropology double major
is coxswain on the crew team
TA's for anthropology 101 and has a soft spot for nastasya
iliad corollary: arete, mother of naussica, queen of the phaeacians (odyssey)
cassandra luwian
freshman
undeclared
younger sister to priam
is definitely a psychic but doesn't actually believe in psychics
iliad corollary: cassandra, daughter of priam, with the power of sight but cursed to never be believed, though this aspect is not mentioned in the iliad