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the chilliad: a character cheat sheet

Updated: Jul 17, 2019

it can be hard to keep all these rowdy youths straight. allow me to help.

alpha sigma phi house

agford "aggy" atreus

  • vice president

  • business major

  • wants to launch deez nuts, a startup which has nut milk delivered fresh to your house weekly

  • late at night, he sometimes wonders whether flat earthers have a point

  • iliad corollary: agamemnon, leader of the expedition, brother of menelaos

manford "manny" atreus

  • president

  • kinesiology major

  • wants to be a personal trainer and health coach

  • thinks ghost farts contribute to global warming

  • iliad corollary: menelaos, king of athens, husband of helen

achilles "ac" myrmidon

  • social chair

  • art history major

  • wants to be a history teacher and high school sports coach

  • owns so many muscle tees he was once approached by the popular a&e show, hoarders

  • iliad corollary: achilles, chief warrior, leader of mymidons

pedro klaus "pk" liebling

  • community service chair

  • art major (specializing in photography)

  • wants to be a photojournalist

  • speaks fluent german and spanish

  • only rushed because he had a crush on ac freshman year but then immediately got way more into greek life than anyone else in his pledge class -- does not know how to like or do things mildly.

  • iliad corollary: patroklos, "companion" and "close" "friend" of achilles

phoenix "birdie" cho

  • secretary

  • drama major

  • wants to be the first asian-american james bond

  • can bench press more than manny, which is a point of contention between them

  • iliad corollary: phoinix, friend and mentor of achilles

ajax "jax" tlamunus

  • rush chair & pledge educator

  • gender studies major

  • wants to be a fireman or emt

  • training to be on american ninja warrior

  • iliad corollary: ajax, chief warrior after achilles

dio "dio" mendez

  • academics chair

  • economics major

  • plans for post-graduation include [loud construction noises]

  • secretly a socialist

  • iliad corollary: diomedes, great greek warrior

odysseus "doc" nostos

  • treasurer

  • agribusiness technology major

  • wants to own & run a sustainable farm

  • built penelope’s bed and also her beer pong table which folds up with a trick latch for easy moving

  • ilia corollary: odysseus, warrior and advisor, star of iliad spinoff, the odyssey

nestor "nessie" pylos

  • house manager & risk manager

  • hospitality major

  • wants to open a vegan restaurant

  • learned how to make pastries from his grandmother, a poet

  • iliad corollary: nestor, old warrior and chief advisor

posey "poser" dunn

  • philanthropy chair

  • marine biology major

  • wants to be a biologist researcher

  • believes in mermaids

  • iliad corollary: poseidon, god of the sea

macallister "mack" clay

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • raised by a single mother after his dad left when he was a baby :(

  • afraid of milk

  • iliad corollary: telemachus, son of odysseus and penelope

dosifei "deuce" bowman

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • has not hit his growth spurt & is beginning to think he never will

  • once lifted a car to save his pet turtle but has never again accessed that kind of adrenaline

  • iliad corollary: teucer, half-brother of ajax

homer bard

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • he won a self-driving car in a raffle at the mall when he was 15

  • sincerely thinks that mullets look cool

  • iliad corollary: author of the iliad and odyssey

calvin "cal" haas

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • does tarot every morning and reads everybody's horoscope but keeping it a secret from the rest of the boys in the house

  • iliad corollary: calchas, a soothsayer

jackson “baby jax” “BJ” lochlan

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • wants nothing in this life except to literally be ajax

  • iliad corollary: ajax the lesser, a greek warrior


alpha delta chi house

hera zoos

  • house manager

  • political science major

  • wants to be a senator

  • cites gordon ramsay as her greatest inspiration

  • iliad corollary: hera, wife of zeus

athena metis

  • rush chair & pledge educator

  • business major

  • wants to be a finance bro

  • started an underground fight club with ares called DUKES UP

  • iliad corollary: athena, god of war

nessa clytem

  • president

  • history major but plans to go to law school

  • has seriously considered working for the CIA after scoring "unusually high" on their aptitude test

  • iliad corollary: clytemnestra, wife of agamemnon

gia aderastan

  • vice president

  • biology major but plans to go to med school

  • she was born with eleven toes

  • iliad corollary: princess aegialia, wife of diomedes (*not actually mentioned in the iliad)

cleo muse

  • treasurer & risk manager

  • english major

  • wants to be a novelist

  • has participated in the moth so many times they had to put her on semi-permanent hiatus

  • iliad corollary: clio, muse of history and guitar (*not really part of the iliad in a narrative sense)

thalia muse

  • social chair

  • theater major

  • wants to be a stand-up comedian

  • one of her many tattoos was done by harry styles after she ran into him at a weird party in london where there was a free tattoo gun

  • iliad corollary: thalia, muse of comedy

calliope muse

  • secretary

  • sophomore

  • doesn't know what she wants to do when she graduates but is thinking maybe a speech therapist

  • is convinced that she is going to die of appendicitis

  • iliad corollary: calliope, muse of heroic poetry, guide of homer

helen spartowski

  • philanthropy chair

  • media & communications major

  • wants to be an influencer & beauty blogger

  • went to fyre fest

  • iliad corollary: helen, wife of menelaos

sappho klasma

  • communityservice chair

  • comparative literature major

  • applying to bfa programs and the iowa writers' workshop

  • maintains a successful blog

  • hates david foster wallace's infinite jest so much she once set it on fire as a "performance art project"

  • iliad corollary: the poet sappho (not, in fact, in the iliad)

dité pomme

  • academic chair

  • chemistry major

  • wants to be a perfumist

  • thinks floral scents are overdone -- she wants to smell like french fries

  • iliad corollary: aphrodite, goddess of beauty

ariadne webb

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • a big comics nerd who almost always cosplays as black widow

  • iliad corollary: ariadne, mentioned; does not play a role in actual events

daphne medill

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • secretly a very successful hand model and can quote the entirety of reservoir dogs

  • iliad corollary: diomede, a slave achilles sleeps with after refusing the messenger from odysseus and ajax

dana yoman

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • lactose intolerant but refuses to live like it

  • iliad corollary: a different diomede, wife of palas and mother of a trojan warrior

leia doulos

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • best friends with mack, who she met at spy camp when they were 12

  • iliad corollary: eurycleia, slave woman who raised odysseus and telemachus in the odyssey

nastasya masuma

  • pledge

  • freshman, undeclared

  • came from a very sheltered, gently religious background.

  • iliad corollary: naussica, a maiden odysseus meets in the odyssey (not mentioned in the iliad)


trojan house

priam luwian

  • president

  • business major; plans to take over his family's charitable foundation when he graduates

  • in his heart of hearts he wants to be an old-fashioned private eye

  • iliad corollary: priam, king of troy

hector holdfast

  • vice president

  • sports medicine major

  • wants to be an olympic swimmer

  • once forgot paris in the bathroom of a mcdonald's and stranded him in north dakota

  • iliad corollary: hektor, might warrior

gilbert "gilly" glau

  • community service chair

  • junior and environmental science major

  • teaches sex education as part of the university's local outreach program

  • has a big embarrassing crush on nastasya

  • iliad corollary: glaucus, a powerful trojan warrior

pollard "polly" damas

  • academic chair & risk manager

  • accounting major

  • plans to be in financial management, ideally for a university

  • speaks in such a monotone that it's possible he invented asmr

  • iliad corollary: polydamas, a trojan commander

nas pomme

  • philanthropy chair

  • a junior, undeclared; younger brother of dité

  • has been miles morales for halloween every year since he was seven

  • iliad corollary: aeneas, son of aphrodite

darius archer

  • secretary

  • biology major

  • wants to be a pediatrician

  • has been in a wheelchair since he was 4

  • iliad corollary: pandaros, a trojan archer.

antoni pantera

  • house manager

  • classics major

  • wants to be a translator and scholar

  • literally only joined the trojans because they don't have membership dues and it means he gets free housing

  • iliad corollary: antenor, a trojan nobleman and advisor to king priam

ares enyo

  • rush chair & pledge educator

  • in officer training; wants to be a navy seal

  • has been known to put on a wig and stand in for absent or injured roller derby girls

  • iliad corollary: ares, god of war and lover of aphrodite

apollo "olly" hunter

  • social chair

  • junior; music production major

  • wants to be a producer but also is in the process of developing an app to bring music therapy to low-income kids

  • his truest idol is carly simon -- he met her once, panicked, and said, "i'm sorry that there was so many boys in trees," to which she replied calmly, "thank you."

  • iliad corollary: apollo, son of zeus and twin brother of the goddess artemis, apollo is god of the sun and the arts, particularly music.

dylan neia

  • treasurer

  • journalism major

  • wants to write for the players tribune

  • frequently dresses as the mascot for university sporting events. no one has asked him to do this. he bought his own costume.

  • iliad corollary: dolon, a trojan spy.

eugene tallrik

  • pledge

  • freshman; undeclared

  • turned 18 and got real hot real sudden, to the surprise of himself and everyone around him

  • has never successfully opened a capri sun pouch

  • iliad corollary: euphorbos, trojan warrior

herman "freddie" mercury

  • pledge

  • freshman; undeclared

  • was recruited for the track team

  • very relieved to be called freddie at college since he was called "quickie" in high school and NOT for track-related reasons

  • iliad corollary: hermes, messenger to the gods

alexander "paris" holdfast

  • pledge

  • sophomore; undeclared

  • he wants to be brendan urie so bad he can taste it

  • began demanding people call him paris after he went to a fortune teller who told him he was "a european at heart."

  • iliad corollary: paris, also called alexandros

solomon "solly" lycian

  • pledge

  • freshman; undeclared

  • recruited for the swim team

  • knows mermaids aren't real but is too scared of posey to say anything

  • iliad corollary: sarpedon, son of zeus, river god


unaffiliated students

cuba reyes

  • music major

  • sings in an indie folk band

  • raised by her father and never met her mother

  • can hold her breath for 5 minutes but cannot ride a bike

  • iliad corollary: hecuba, queen of troy, wife of priam, and mother of hector and paris

andie march

  • animal biology major

  • competes semi-seriously a boxer and very seriously as a fencer

  • wants to own a horse ranch and breed racehorses.

  • iliad corollary: andromache, wife of hector who begs him to withdraw from the war and save himself (she is ignored) (obviously)

heffner stuss

  • grad student getting a bfa in sculpture

  • working with marble & iron primarily

  • was kicked out of greek life while in undergrad for never paying his dues and getting in a fight with the then-president

  • has a severe limp after an accident as a child.

  • iliad corollary: hephaestus, god of fire & metalworking, husband of aphrodite

penelope webster

  • theoretical mathematics major

  • thinks greek life is kind of stupid

  • has an etsy store for woven rugs

  • acknowledged beer pong queen

  • iliad corollary: penelope, wife of odysseus

delphine pythia

  • barista at local coffee shop, the oracle

  • physics major

  • plays the harp

  • iliad corollary: oracle at delphi

artemis "emi" hunter

  • junior

  • business major

  • wants to take over her family's meat business

  • iliad corollary: artemis, goddess of the hunt, the moon, and chastity

saoirse "sorsh" cailleach

  • chemistry major

  • wants to open a naturopathic healing shop

  • wiccan

  • makes all her own skin care and sells it at way marked up prices

  • iliad corollary: circe, a goddess of magic

breanna "bree" seiss

  • education major

  • wants to teach special education

  • carries star stickers with her wherever she goes, and puts them on all of the graffiti tags she makes

  • which is a lot of graffiti tags

  • iliad corollary: briseis, a war prize of achilles

chrystina “chrys” aston

  • Student in the college of nursing

  • wants to become a nurse practitioner

  • cheats at almost every game she has ever played

  • iliad corollary: chryseis/astynome, daughter of a priest of apollo in a trojan-allied town whom agamemnon takes as a war prize

iris mercury

  • freshman; undeclared

  • also recruited for the track team alongside twin brother herman

  • is convinced she is allergic to nuts. she is not.

  • iliad corollary: iris, messenger goddess

thea myrmidon

  • sophomore

  • undeclared; cousin of AC

  • on the sailing team and only going to college because her mother won't let her live at home for free

  • sister of zeke myrmidon, ex-boyfriend & new stepbrother of hera

  • iliad corollary: thetis, mother of achilles

callie zhou

  • philosophy major

  • best friends and roommates with saoirse

  • wants to stay in academia forever

  • iliad corollary: calypso, the beautiful nymph who falls in love with odysseus in the odyssey.

melanie tho

  • sophomore

  • undeclared

  • runs somewhat popular mean twitter @thatmeltho

  • iliad corollary: melantho, slave at odysseus’s palace

teresa "teri" haddeson

  • quantum physics graduate student

  • long-time RA on campus

  • truly does not believe in the concept of time, like, on a quantum level

  • iliad corollary: tirseas, a prophet who guides odysseus out of hades

aretha fader

  • sociology & anthropology double major

  • is coxswain on the crew team

  • TA's for anthropology 101 and has a soft spot for nastasya

  • iliad corollary: arete, mother of naussica, queen of the phaeacians (odyssey)

cassandra luwian

  • freshman

  • undeclared

  • younger sister to priam

  • is definitely a psychic but doesn't actually believe in psychics

  • iliad corollary: cassandra, daughter of priam, with the power of sight but cursed to never be believed, though this aspect is not mentioned in the iliad


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Mar 21, 2019

i love this so much


Mar 21, 2019

I personally always read the newsletters and enjoyed all those quotes and especially appreciate the cheat sheet.

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